Useful Tips

How to choose a husband: advice from a psychologist


It is so instituted by nature that a woman needs a man to create a family and reproduce offspring. But what kind of husband should I choose in order not to be mistaken? If we recall the past centuries, we can understand that before this family of the bride was exclusively engaged in this choice. Now everything has changed in the opposite direction.

Social status and age

If you are guided by the plots of novels and soap operas, we can conclude that the dream of any girl is her husband is older and richer than her. If your chosen one is just that, do not rush to rejoice and relax. If you do not belong to a rich intellectual circle, you will have to work hard on yourself to match your lover. Held men love interesting and active women. With others, they are simply bored.

A promising young husband is also a good party. The advantage of such an alliance is that you can, so to speak, "tune" it for yourself. You can guide him in his career (if, of course, you have the ability to do business). Nevertheless, you should be clearly aware that a young husband is, first of all, a child who needs to be taken care of. In addition, those family values ​​that are so important for a woman (hearth, traditions, children, etc.) are alien to him.

In this regard, many psychologists recommend looking for a husband in their social circle. It should be 3 years older than you (about so many women are ahead of the stronger sex in development). Nevertheless, all these recommendations are rather arbitrary, because feelings should come first.

How to choose a husband - psychologist's advice

Every woman has the right to choose about the male half. However, there is an important one: love is wonderful, but what will happen after marriage? This is a pretty tangible argument when choosing a good husband. Important tips on how to choose a husband:

What parents, such and children. Look at the lifestyle, behavior of his parents. Since all the skills and habits of the future husband depend on the parents. Get to know his close relatives and much will become clear to you - stereotypes, values, behavior model. If a son respects women, this is one of the positive moments in your chosen one,

Comparison of social status. This is an important factor, because of which there are often divorces. Do not think that love makes you equal! Before choosing a husband from another social group, think three times: is it worth it? Shame and low self-esteem about the fact that someone higher or more educated can undermine your marriage. Material side, religion, culture of behavior - the basis of future relationships,

See how your future chosen one relates to children. Indeed, to create a full-fledged family, this is necessary. Sensitivity and adequate behavior with children, attention and friendliness are the main qualities for a future family. After all, responsibility to children is the basis of upbringing,

They often say - because these are genes. And this is a lot of important factor. Many women, before choosing a husband, study the applicant’s pedigree and never start a relationship with a person with a severe inheritance,

Interests, hobbies, life. It is impossible to live with a person who has completely opposite views on life, who is not adapted to everyday life. As they say - he can’t even hammer a nail,

The circle of his communication. As they say, look at his friends, and you will understand who he is. Before choosing a husband, you should carefully look at his circle of friends,

Look at his attitude to life. Purposeful and knows what he wants from life - that means you made the right choice.

  • Be always careful and critical.
  • Analyze all his actions,
  • Mutual understanding and similarity in interests are the key to a good family.

Suppose you already have a chosen one. But what is necessary to pay attention to the husband was worthy of your ideal?

How a woman chooses a husband from two men

There are two people dear to you in your life ... One is wealthy, self-confident, he gives you expensive gifts every day, all his friends die of envy, how lucky you are! But, wherever you are with him: in a restaurant, in a car, in a theater and even in bed, you constantly think about something else, about your beloved.

Beloved is the complete opposite of the rich. He lives in a rented apartment, doesn’t pay much at his favorite job, and there is no growth prospect, he dresses not brightly and inexpensively, but how good are you two! But how to choose a husband?

Relationships are filled with passion and romance, how do you love your quarrels, yes you love them, because after them there are violent reconciliations that give an unforgettable flurry of emotions, as well as crazy sex.

This is some kind of madness, why are you torn? But .. but after all, with the second one who is rich, it’s so calm and cozy ... you are a woman with him .. dear, luxurious .. tomorrow is not terrible with him .. and with him ... so boring ... every step is predictable. Flowers, gifts, restaurant, bed ... what do you miss? Love ...

But the beloved is so impractical and it annoys you so much, and at the same time you love his unbearable character and the romance with which he fills your relationship. How many beautiful words he told you, how many verses he read, and how he looks at you! This is not all in those other respects, but they are also beautiful.

Rich, smart, sincere, he loves you, and you know that. He will love your children, he will do everything for them, and what can he give to your children. favourite? He’s a penny for his soul ... he doesn’t know how to go over his head over his head, he’s romantic ... and you love him for that ...

How to choose a husband and not make a mistake? You understand that this is impossible ... you allow one to love yourself without giving anything in return, you love the other, while firmly understanding that you have no future ... If you do not decide, sooner or later, the moment of truth will come, and will it hurts everyone! Imagine what will happen to your dear people when they learn about each other's existence?

How not to make a mistake in choosing a husband

The main thing is love or a secure future? You are confused. You love one, you like the other ... But the one you love the bad guy, but what if he remains so? And after some time, next to him, you will turn into a woman, who has been tucked into a corner, who does not see the gap, will he love you like that? Will you continue to love him?

If the choice is about feelings, it is always difficult, but you must understand that this can no longer continue. Is your lover ready to change for you? He must understand that you cannot go far on romance alone. If he is far from a boy, and by the age of 30 he continues to wait for a miracle and hopes for a chance, then it may make sense to choose a more mature partner? He does not want to change his bad life for you. so maybe it's not love?

Choosing a man securely, it is also important not to make a mistake. Very often rich men literally throw gifts on their chosen ones, but as soon as such a woman crosses the threshold of his house as a legal wife, they become unbearable hides who are sorry for money even for a hairdresser for their wife. In order not to be in a golden cage, and even married to an unlover, ask yourself what do you want?

Before choosing a husband from two men, weigh everything carefully. And if a loved one is ready to change for your sake, is ready to become stronger and wiser - are you ready to gradually conquer the heights with him? No .. this is not for you ... you need firm ground under your feet today, well, then choose the option “be patient - fall in love”

Listen to your heart, you know perfectly well which of them is special for you. When making a choice, do not forget that "in one hour of love - a whole life." I sincerely wish you not to become another woman in whose life there is not even a minute. love

What are the criteria for filtering out unsuitable candidates?

Communication and interpersonal relations specialist Steve Nakamoto knows what women want and can answer many other questions that concern them. He talks about how to weed out unsuitable candidates and make the right choice.

Honest male look: personal life will not work out if you choose the wrong partner. In addition to mutual attraction, you need to take into account other factors in order to understand whether a person is suitable or not for you for a long-term relationship. Before succumbing to emotions, be sure to evaluate the psychological maturity of the intended partner, your compatibility, the degree of mutual attraction and the possibility of personal development. Otherwise, you will encounter relationships that will not suit him or you.

A wise woman will prefer a winner to a loser if she wants to have every chance of success in a love relationship. Of course, there are many more subtle variables that you can pay attention to when choosing a leader in each individual situation, but nevertheless, men have some common features, the presence of which is likely to lead to a complete failure in the relationship. It is these features that you must distinguish in the first place, so as not to waste time on someone who will not become a winner for you.

How does he feel about children?

The main goal of creating a family is the birth and upbringing of children. This should prompt you to choose a husband. The psychology of women is such that they give preference to those members of the stronger sex who are more responsible and caring for children. It’s easy to find out.

Surely you have some friends or relatives who already have small children. Invite them to visit and see how your chosen one will behave with the baby. Will he play with him? Can he feed him or change his diaper? Or will all responsibility be passed on to you?

If you do not have the opportunity to conduct a practical test, call your chosen one for a frank conversation. You must be extremely honest with each other before marriage. Perhaps your views on procreation are exactly the same. If he is categorically against having children in the foreseeable future, you should seriously think about the advisability of such an alliance. As a result, the maternal instinct will prevail even over the strongest feeling.

Based on the goal of procreation, the next point begs the question of how to choose a husband. In many Western countries, it is normal practice to undergo a medical examination and study the family tree to exclude the likelihood of any genetic diseases in unborn children.

In our latitudes this is not accepted. Moreover, asking such delicate questions is bad form, and therefore it is worthwhile to get information carefully. In any case, if your chosen one leads a healthy lifestyle and monitors his well-being, this is already a positive signal.

Separate winners from losers

Due to the convenience and popularity of online dating, some women meet with a large number of seemingly worthy men than ever before. After all, it’s not at all difficult for a man to create an attractive profile and maintain a pleasant conversation in real time. A wise woman who seeks true love understands that on the basis of such communication it is very difficult to determine who is the winner or the loser in front of her.

About one girl recently wrote about this to me: “What does it mean when a guy says that he likes me, but he does not feel the spark? The young man whom I have been dating for several months, at the very beginning of our relationship, said that we have a strong attraction to each other, and now says that this is nonsense. What does he mean? “Does he like me or not?”

Very often, a woman, describing her romance, asks me if the man she is dating is interested in her. Of course, assessing a man’s interest in a woman is a paramount task, but each time I remind my readers that it is equally important to determine whether a given man is suitable for a particular woman.

Having assessed whether a man is genuinely interested in you and whether he is a good couple, you most likely will not fall in love with an inappropriate person and ultimately avoid disappointments and setbacks in relationships.

Life and common interests

Opposites are believed to attract. But this statement is true only for physical experiments. Speaking about a man and a woman, it is worth remembering that they should have as many points of contact as possible.

How to choose the perfect husband? As much as possible, discuss the issue of hobbies and life goals with applicants for this status. What kind of music does he listen to? What movies is watching? How prefers to spend free time? Where prefers to relax? What are his life goals?

These points should not be identical for potential spouses. But there must be at least something in common, otherwise you will spend time together only in the bedroom and in the kitchen.

From common interests and hobbies you need to smoothly move to views on everyday life. Unfortunately, there are still quite a lot of men with "Domostroy" views on family life. Agree, no one wants to be a slave in her own house while her husband is lying on the couch and watching TV.

To understand how independent or helpless he is in everyday life, one can suddenly come to visit. But if you make unsatisfactory conclusions based on the results of your “investigation”, you should not give up your feelings. In the end, domestic issues can be resolved on a contractual basis.

Do not expect people to change - especially men!

Avoiding inappropriate candidates is no easy task. Since most of us so hope for love and so rarely meet potential lovers on our way, many seek to take advantage of almost every romantic opportunity that falls.

A few years ago I was introduced to a sweet girl who was fourteen years younger than me. I remember once I heard her phrase said to a friend: "Steve is a great guy, he has so much to offer." This was especially true of the young people who surrounded her. But not for long did she see me in a better light - a mature, calm, financially reliable person.

During the “honeymoon” of our communication, it seemed to her that I was the embodiment of the best masculine qualities. But a month later, this young lady began to perceive me very differently. My “maturity” began to remind her of the behavior of “daddy”. I was no longer “calm,” but “lazy, old, and tired.” And "financial stability" has turned into "stinginess" and "the pursuit of money."

Looking back, I can say that the difference in age, interests and life goals made me a disastrous candidate for this girl. Not surprisingly, after two months of communication, we broke up.

Intimate component

For many women, the ideal husband is associated with a passionate lover. Nowadays, there is no ban on premarital sex, and therefore sexual compatibility in most cases is verified experimentally.

Nevertheless, some young couples prefer to adhere to old traditions, postponing intimacy until marriage. To open the veil of secrecy, use some tricks from psychologists. There are many theories that link sexual temperament with the characteristics of the appearance and behavior of a person.

Avoid Inappropriate Candidates

It is important to remember that people rarely change. Therefore, it is prudent to evaluate your potential partner based more on who he is at the moment, and not on what he will become in the future. Due to the very nature of romantic relationships, we are easily carried away and rush into the abyss of momentary passion, not paying attention to such important in the long run moments as compatibility and the possibility of personal development. But wise women carefully evaluate these aspects at the beginning of the game, before they are imbued with serious feelings for a man. This way you can avoid a long relationship with the wrong person.

Here are suggestions to help you avoid meeting unsuitable candidates:

Beware of men with bad habits. If your prospective partner is addicted to drugs, alcohol, or gambling, a reasonable decision is to avoid having a romantic relationship with him. Bad habits control the life of a person and the life of those who are next to him. Already many women have gained this painful experience by spending time, energy, feelings on unworthy candidates.

Avoid Men With Serious Disabilities. Character is the foundation of every personality. This is the result of hundreds of decisions that have gradually made a person what he is now. Today, many women are increasingly meeting men with obvious flaws in character, which, of course, cannot serve as a reliable support for love. Character is something that has been formed for a long time, and it is very difficult to change it. Therefore, a wise woman would rather avoid close contact with men who have obvious character flaws than try to correct them.

Pass by men who have not a drop of ambition. For many women, this trait does not seem as much of a drawback as the rest. Но при этом женщина быстро устает от мужчины, которому неведомо честолюбие. Ни к чему не стремясь, такой мужчина не особенно заботится о материальном достатке семьи, что служит немаловажной причиной стресса в отношениях.A wise woman should distinguish a man who is in harmony with himself, from a simply lazy and unmotivated person who, over time, will surely bore her.

Do not meet men who do not excite you. In a romantic relationship, nothing can replace attraction or physical attraction. If the attraction does not come, it is better to abandon further rapprochement. Otherwise, you will become bogged down in a relationship without passion that will not satisfy any of the partners.

Say “No!” To mean men. Women are often perplexed by men who show affection at one point and hostility at the next. Many women in the initial stages of relationships focus on positive qualities and turn a blind eye to negative ones. When you communicate with a two-faced man, sooner or later he will direct his aggression at you.

Rate men by the circle of their communication. For many women, this is a difficult task. For some reason, they want to believe that her lover is not at all like his pals. But most likely, he just wants to seem better. In fact, he certainly looks a lot like his friends. Keep this in mind, rather than relying entirely on its "advertising image."

Avoid men who absolutely do not harmonize with your personality. Some people seem to just be unable to get along. Instead of complementing each other and mutually supporting, they quarrel over various trifles and find only the worst sides in each other. If you find yourself in such a difficult situation, soberly assess the situation. Do not make a mistake and do not try to forge a relationship, for example, getting married for the person who constantly upsets you.

Beware of extreme differences in lifestyle. The way of life is manifested in the clothes we wear, in the music we listen to, in the things we buy, in the food we prefer, in the words we speak, in the dreams we aspire for, in the friends we choose, in classes to which we devote free time. If you want to connect life with someone, it is wise to find a partner who shares your habits and views. People whose lifestyle differs from ours will undoubtedly add color and variety, but, as a rule, communication and friendship with these people have to be limited.

Recognize a potential conflict of values. Values ​​- for example, courage, love, honesty and family - are ideals to which we have extreme respect. When two people do not have common values, they often upset each other. For example, I was told about a woman who complained that her husband was constantly getting drunk with his friends instead of doing something more suitable for a family man. Such conflicts of responsibility and entertainment mature for a long time and are often hidden until they develop into a feeling of deep resentment. A woman who is looking for a new partner should avoid men who clearly do not share her values. Values, which are, in fact, deeply rooted priorities, can change under the influence of only very serious circumstances.

Stay away from men with unclear goals in a relationship. It is easy to fall for the bait of a man who assures that he loves children, but shows this love only in relation to other people's babies. A wise woman should distinguish just talking about marriage and family from a real willingness to make a commitment. True, some men openly say that they do not intend to start a family, and do not hide their aspirations for other goals. But a woman can be misled that such a person will change over time, and later discover that in fact his views on his personal life have long been firmly established. A wise woman carefully evaluates the man's life priorities and continues the relationship only if their goals coincide. Men who are willing to meet only from time to time are suitable for women with the same aspirations. As practice shows, to expect that a person will change is in most cases useless.

Comprehensively evaluating candidates for the role of a permanent partner, a wise woman will choose the man who has the highest chances to bring victory to their love relationship. This requires first of all to weed out the obvious losers.

Attitude to money

Fantasy about what an ideal husband should be like, many women imagine a wealthy and generous man who not only provides for his family, but also satisfies all the vagaries of women. But in practice, everything is a little different.

The family budget is always limited, and therefore it is important to be able to rationally spend it. Ideally, a man should be in the habit of planning expenses in advance, as well as putting aside a certain amount as a "safety cushion."

But pathological frugality is not normal. If your chosen one collects checks from all purchases (even insignificant ones), doesn’t tip in a restaurant, or is ready to go through the city to buy some goods a little cheaper, this is a bad signal. Ultimately, he will begin to save on you, and then on your children.

Identify What You Don't Want Now

Try to remember the men in your life who fit the descriptions in this chapter. Perhaps you met with one of them for a long time, you just know someone, your friends talked with someone, and someone is a person known around the world: a politician, athlete, musician, TV presenter or film actor.

It is important to draw a clear image of the candidate that is not suitable for you. So you will be able to quickly, in the early stages, analyze your potential partners.

Unlucky in love when you meet the wrong person. But if a healthy relationship develops between two emotionally mature people who experience a strong mutual attraction and truly fit together, love will certainly get lucky!

Life position

What should a husband be like? You can talk about this topic for a very long time, but all this does not make sense if your chosen one has not yet decided what he wants from life. Pay attention to the western countries. There, a person lives according to the scenario "study, career, family." The bonds of marriage mainly combine held people who have built a solid foundation. Thus, they approach the marriage consciously.

In our country, impulsive marriages are often concluded, the basis of which is only a sensual component. At the same time, people may absolutely not understand how and what they will live on.

Given that the role of the head of the family is still assigned to the man, you must unravel his position in life. How is he going to build his future career? Why does he want to start a family? And does he want at all? By answering these questions, you will determine the feasibility of further relations.

What should a husband be like? Most women want the chosen one to belong only to them. Nevertheless, no one has canceled the fact that the man has friends. You certainly need to get to know them in order to learn more about your lover, because it is with them that he will spend a considerable part of time. Yes, and you sometimes have to attend such gatherings.

Friends are thought to be somewhat alike. If your chosen one communicates with successful and hardworking people who have already managed to start a family (or are going to do it), there is nothing to worry about. Such a company will be useful to him and interesting to you.

If your beloved is friends with inveterate bachelors, who also abuse alcohol, you need to urgently save him from them. Firstly, for the sake of his own good, and secondly, for the sake of family happiness, because "friends" will certainly set up a husband against you.

How does he affect you?

If you puzzle over how to choose a husband, a test of your own feelings will help you decide. Get a separate notebook in which you will write down your feelings after each meeting with your chosen one.

Ideally, meetings should bring you joy, satisfaction, inspiration and peace of mind. Being close to your lover, you must develop and constantly become better. If your diary reflects only negative emotions, think carefully about whether you should connect your life with this person. If next to it you are degrading, this is not your way.

So what should a husband be like?

Based on the experience of many generations, we can draw certain conclusions about what qualities a husband makes him ideal. Women consider key such characteristics:

  • Appearance. Like it or not, this factor is important. You will have to see him daily, and therefore he must be attractive. We are not talking about the ideals of male beauty. It's about your personal preferences.
  • Kindness. Brutal and brutal hooligans attract only very young girls. In family life, it is important that the person is understanding and gentle (but not weak).
  • Weasel. Particular attention should be paid to how a man behaves in bed. His actions should be aimed not only at satisfying his own sexual instinct, but also at giving pleasure to the soulmate.
  • Physical form. A man is simply obliged to monitor his weight and muscle tone. And it's not even about looking like Apollo. A man should be ready for physical activity at any time (move the sofa, lift a heavy suitcase, or at least carry his wife in his arms). In addition, good physical shape is the key to good health.
  • Wealth and generosity. A woman is looking for a companion who can provide not only her, but also future children. Even if the wife herself makes money, the main burden of responsibility still lies with the man. To the best of his financial capabilities, he should pamper the lady of his heart with pleasant surprises.
  • Devotion. Family should be in the first place for a man. Work, friends, hobbies - all this is secondary. Between going fishing with friends and family vacations in the country, he should choose the latter. Although, so that a man does not feel like a prisoner, you should not completely take away his right to spend time separately from his family.
  • Goal setting. A man should have far-reaching plans that will lead to an increase in the well-being of his family.
  • Reliability. Next to your man, you should feel calm and confident in the future.

How to choose a husband from two candidates?

If you have a lot of fans, you're in luck. You just need to learn how to choose a good husband among them. Make it easy. Draw a sheet of paper into four columns. In the first two, write down the advantages of the candidates, and in the third and fourth - a comparison of their shortcomings.

Who will have more positive and less negative traits, he won. But do not forget about feelings. It is possible that the heart will show you the right choice without any lists.